Zombie Apocalypse at Bored Ape Yacht Club? Exclusive: Vision Loss Epidemic Strikes Crypto's Elite!
By Lenny "Deadline" Dawson - Staff Writer
Date: 23 Apr 2023
In a shocking twist that sounds ripped from the pages of a sci-fi horror novel, the elite of the crypto world have been struck by a sinister vision loss epidemic following the Bored Ape NFT owners' conference, ApeFest, held in the neon-lit underbelly of Hong Kong.In an exclusive report that will have you rubbing your eyes in disbelief, attendees of the so-called ApeFest are crying foul after enduring eye pain and vision loss post-conference, with some branding the event as the onset of a zombie apocalypse amongst crypto's crème de la crème. The exclusive shindig, famed for its avant-garde performances and psychedelic laser and blacklight effects, appears to have left its wealthy patrons groping in the dark, both financially and literally.
One fancy NFT owner recounts a harrowing tale of waking up in a world of darkness, pain searing through their eyes, and skin burned as if kissed by the sun's unforgiving rays—a visit to the infirmary confirming the worst. "It's like the stage lights had a vendetta against my corneas," lamented the victim, fresh from the clinical jaws of the nearest hospital, speculating a nefarious UV trap set by the stage effects. Even the most opulent eyewear offered scant defense against the optical onslaught that ensued, leading some to wonder if their investments flashed before their eyes in more ways than one.
Meanwhile, whispers abound that the Bored Ape Yacht Club's supreme overlords, Yuga Labs, might have been a little too engrossed in partying like it's the end of days—with scant concern for the peepers of the patrons that helped foot the bill. Fear grips the smart-coin society as the event exclusive to the NFT oligarchs has become an inadvertent symbol of their plummeting fortunes—both in ocular health and digital wallets.
In light of the revelations, the Hacker Herald has put on its investigative lenses (safely UV rated, of course). Our own scribes, hard-boiled researchers, and sometimes tech prophets, have reached out to key players and attendees, digging deeper than an overclocked mining rig to unearth the truth behind the dazzling dilemma. As the saga unfolds, stay tuned to see if the Bored Ape Yacht Club will navigate through these murky waters or sink like a ship with a blockchain-anchor.
Source: Bored Ape conference attendees wake up with eye pain, vision loss
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